When I was younger I couldn’t wait to grow up. I would look at my older sisters and their independence, and think about how I couldn’t wait to have that. The ability to stay out late if I wanted without a rule saying when to come home, drive a car, and go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted. Now at that age, 12-ish, the only place I was concerned with going was the mall to hang out with my friends, but the point was I wanted my freedom. When you’re 12 no one ever tells you that making your own choices and having those freedoms as my sisters did means you have to be responsible for the outcome. What an idea! My parents weren’t responsible for me anymore and when I screwed up I had to fix it? No, no this can’t be right, give me my curfew and Jonas Brothers CD’s back please, responsibility is not as fun as I thought it would be.
Now that I’m 22, I hate being responsible, when I cause problems, or hurt someones feelings, I suck at apologizing. I know other people who have this problem also, but I couldn’t tell you why it is. I’d like to think it’s because I care so much for the people I’m around that when I hurt them I can’t bare recognizing what I did, but if I’m being honest that sounds too selfless. Now it’s not like I go around hurting people daily, but I’ve lost friendships because of this problem. Maybe it’s pride, maybe I would like someone to apologize to me, maybe it’s the “playing the victim syndrome” as I like to call it. Either way, it’s not making the world a better place, which is what I would like to do.
I genuinely love all people, I think everyone deserves second chances, most of the time I give them 12, but that’s because I believe in people. As a fellow human, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve broken hearts, and hurt people I care about. So when someone does the same to me, it’s easier to understand where they’re coming from. We all let each other down at some points, but what matters is how you react. You can choose to let it shape you into anger, and resentment, but who does that help? No one. So instead take your pain and make something beautiful, get your feelings out.
I think that’s what this blog will be for me, a place where I can write down my feelings and thoughts about whatever I want and maybe it will change my perspective. Maybe someone reading this will be inspired to be more positive. After all, we could all be more positive, more apologetic, hold ourselves more accountable for the way we treat others. We’re all alive and existing and feeling, we all share in this great human experience, so remember to be kind.